I Don't Wanna Hold a Torah

I hear a lot of complaining around the time of Simchat Torah - women complain as follows:

"it is a man's holiday"
"we have no role at all"
"it's like we're not even there"
"all we can do is sit on the side and watch"

This always upsets me because it seems that so many women see "equality" as "being able to do what men do" and if they can't do what men do they don't know how to see themselves in a Torah world.

Why?  Why do women think they have to do what men do in order to have a role?  Don't they get it that men and women are different and thus have different tasks?

Look, I'll make it simple.  Men are made a certain way and Hashem gave them mitzvot to do that fit who they are and how they work and think.

Women are different than men!  We are not female versions of men!  We are our own type, with our own different types of needs.  Hashem gave us mitzvot that fit who we are and how we work and think.

Is it that difficult?

I hear so much talk about women's minyanim, women's reading of megillot, women's simchat Torah where the women dance around holding Sifrei Torah.  Does this excite you?  Make you wish you could do that?  No?  Me either.

I love who I am within Torah.  I don't want to be a man, thank you.  I LOVE sitting in a shul and watching the men, most of whom spend WAY more time learning than I ever will, dance around with the Sifrei Torah, with abandon, with sich love. I am so inspired by that.

And you know what?  I could never show that level of emotion in public.  I can show it to my kids and grandkids, but in a big circle in a shul?  Nope.  My sense of personal tzniut is such that those deep, rich emotions stay inside where I nurture hem.

My main thought:  be what you are, what Hashem made you with full intention that you should be the best kind of person in the way you are meant to be.

And...if you feel like less of a person, like a "second class citizen" because you are female and you aren't doing what men do, I ask you to re-think that life philosophy.

Stop worrying about what you don't have and be gleeful and grateful about what Hashem gave you. It's more than enough.

Talk to Me

So here's my new blog.  "Aliyah on Purpose" has done its job, introducing you to the lunatic world of aliyah and all of my various foibles, which, I can assure you, will continue unabated for years to come.

So I'm turning to another passion - writing non-scholarly thoughts about spiritual stuff. And be warned - I'm not a complex person.  I like simple thoughts.


-----------------
DISCLAIMER:  I have very little Torah education.  I went to Hebrew school and the Baltimore Hebrew College, was in NCSY, but as far as formal Torah learning, not much.  I am speaking from my heart. I also think that sometimes we couch "feelings" in so many quotations and references that we forget what the simple truths are.
-----------------
 

My husband was sick, back in 1999-2001.  He had a form of cancer and went through a very tough couple of years but thank God came out of it and so far so good.  During that time we were also raising three kids, my daughter got engaged and I was organizing her wedding, and I had a son graduating high school and a younger daughter just over Bat Mitzvah age.

Our family life was thrown into chaos with treatments, emergency hospital visits, etc etc.  No need to deal with those details, suffice it to say that I was personally terrified and so were my kids but my husband was sure he would recover and was amazingly calm the whole time.

There were a few times I was beyond terrified - I wasn't sure he was going to make it through the next day and I was at a loss as to what to do.

What if he died?
How would the rest of my life go?
Would I have enough money?
Should I sell the house?
How would the kids be, growing up without him?
How would I be?

One Friday night, I was lighting candles, for some reason I was home alone, and I lost it.  I mean I'd lost it many times driving to and from the hospital, in the car by myself, but this time I really broke down.  And I decided to have a talk with God.

I just sat down and talked to Him.  Like He was sitting there in front of me listening.  Like a father, a friend, a caring neighbor.  I asked Him questions.  I wondered out loud how He'd answer me.  I asked him to send angels to help me, to walk with me, to hold my hand.  I had no idea if I was doing the right or wrong thing, theologically.  I was just pouring out my heart.

The next day I went to the hospital and my husband had turned the corner medically.  The nurses were astounded.  I was not.  I knew that somehow my words had gotten through.

And that's when something hit me - so simple it made me laugh.  God is waiting for us to talk to Him. Not pray to Him, which we already do, but talk, like person to person.  It's kind of like your mother, who took care of you all your life, sees you go off to college, then complains when you don't communicate, "You don't call, you don't write..."

God has led us into life, He gives us life every day.  And he wants to hear from us, in our own words. In my non-scholarly mind I feel like He's wondering, "Where are they?  I hear them praying but why can't they just talk to me?"

I have no halachic basis for this, or rabbinic wisdom to quote from.  So if you want to argue with me don't waste your time. And if you are going to quote some Rav who said so and so in sefer so and so, I'm really less interested in that than I am in what YOU think.  You. on your own.

So, my advice to you - sit down at home, by yourself, and talk to Him. He's waiting.